How to have a mid-life crisis at 19

I went into my guidance counselor, maybe a little late in the game, to try and decide what to do with the rest of my life. Being myself, I had absolutely no clue where to even start when it comes to any part of my future. I couldn't even tell you what I'm going to do in the next ten minutes let alone the entirety of my life. I spit out the wide spectrum of things that I could possibly see myself doing in the future, and was faced with various issues of classes I would need to take and job opportunites that I might not get. It was with a heavy heart that I realized my counselor was not going to actually pick my major for me. However, he did narrow down a couple of my options. So I can tell you with some disappointment that I will not be a history teacher, or a special education teacher or work with tourism and leisure services.

I left my meeting with less certainty that I had even going into the meeting itself and launched myself into a mid life crisis. I thought about how I was already half way done with my first semester of my second year at college, if you think about that it's about 5/16 of the way done with college (if you break down the years into quarters). Naturally, I panicked. 5/16?! I started to think of all the huge things in the world that I wanted to experience: find a degree and a job that I love, get a dog, travel the world, bungee jump, become fluent in a second language, have all my grandparents at my wedding. Then I started thinking of all the things I wanted to accomplish in the next year and the list was overwhelming. How exactly am I supposed to achieve these goals if I can't even make the first decision of picking a major?

So as usual I ranted about how I have no idea what I'm doing to my friends. One asked me the question of what would make me happy? That's such an easy question for me to answer right off the bat, except the answer is long and varies by the day. I could tell you that what would make me happy would to have been a teacher, but then I think about the money teacher makes and considered what it would be like to work in schools for the rest of my life which seemed less ideal. The next day I could tell you that it would make me really happy to be a social worker and help people, but then obviously look at me how can I assist others if I'm a mess 90% of the time? What would make me happy all the time would be to work in Disneyworld but guess what, you don't really need a college degree to work there so I would have wasted so much time and money here taking classes for no reason. 

While writing all of this down doesn't lead me to make a decision it has stopped my irrational fear of running out of time. I'm almost 20. That means I still have about 60 good years, if were sticking to averages, while I'm holding out on the idea that I could be immortal. This decision of a major might seem like it would control the rest of my life, it doesn't. I can come back to school in the future and study something completely different and go into a different profession. As for right now, I can continue to frolick around KU and enjoy my short time here.

Welcome and Such

   

 Hey...

   For reasons I’m not entirely sure of I feel as though every successful college student keeps a blog to document their experiences and inspirational writings. I can not begin to even count how many times I’ve told myself that I need to write down my life endeavors and have failed. Countless cute journals have been bought in vain as I attempt to be insightful, embarrassing amounts of websites started only to be viewed by two people, myself and my mom. So here I am again, back at the old writing grind. Trying my best to keep one damn thing in my life consistent.

  As a disclaimer I should explain a little bit about myself. I'm a sophomore at the University of Kansas just frolicking around until I can make up my mind on a major. My friends have described me as painfully awkward yet remarkably charming, which yes as I have grown up I have noticed describes me rather well. I live vicariously through sitcoms and perfecting my snap chat abilities.